Domestic Abuse Red Flags

Domestic Abuse can take many forms and often begins with subtle behaviours that, at first, may appear charming, attentive, romantic and supportive. Abusers often don’t show their real selves until they have completely gained their partners trust. The abuser ultimately wants to gain power and control over the person they are supposed to love.

This is Coercive Control. This is Domestic Abuse.

Coercive control is a form of domestic abuse. It is designed to make a person dependent on the abuser by isolating them from friends and family, controlling their movements, making threats or intimidating them, anything that harms, punishes or frightens their victim.

Red flags

Do you ever feel:

• Belittled or put down?
• That you are changing your behaviour to keep the peace?
• Blamed for the abuse or arguments?
• Isolated from your family and friends?
• Stopped from going to college or work?
• Accused of things you haven’t done?
• Restricted in what you can wear, who you can see, where you can go or what you can think?

Have you:

• Been threatened?
• Had things that belong to you destroyed?
• Had your personal space invaded?
• Had your e-mails, texts or letters checked?

Have you ever been physically hurt by:

• Being slapped, hit or punched?
• Being pushed or shoved?
• Being bitten or kicked?
• Being burnt?
• Someone putting their hands or arms around your neck?

Sexual abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of gender. Have you ever:

• Been touched in a way you don’t want to be touched?
• Received unwanted sexual demands?
• Been hurt during sex?
• Pressured to have unsafe sex – for example, not using a condom?
• Pressured to have sex - If your partner, or former partner, has sex with you when you don’t want to, this is rape

Domestic abuse can affect anyone regardless of ethnicity, age, gender, sexuality or social background.

If you are suffering from physical, sexual, psychological or financial abuse, or are being threatened, intimidated or stalked by a current or previous partner or close family member, it’s likely you’re a victim of domestic abuse.

You're not to blame for what's happening. You're not alone.

Supporting a friend if they’re being abused 

If you’re worried a friend is being abused, let them know you’ve noticed something is wrong.

Neighbours and community members can be a life-line for those living with domestic abuse. Look out for your neighbours, if someone reaches out to you there is advice on this page about how to respond. They might not be ready to talk, but try to find quiet times when they can talk if they choose to.

If someone confides in you that they’re suffering domestic abuse:

• listen, and take care not to blame them
• acknowledge it takes strength to talk to someone about experiencing abuse
• give them time to talk, but don’t push them to talk if they don’t want to
• acknowledge they’re in a frightening and difficult situation
• tell them nobody deserves to be threatened or beaten, despite what the abuser has said
• support them as a friend – encourage them to express their feelings, and allow them to make their own decisions
• don’t tell them to leave the relationship if they’re not ready – that’s their decision
• ask if they have experienced physical harm – if so, offer to go with them to a hospital or GP
• help them report the assault to the police if they choose to
• be ready to provide information on organisations that offer help for people experiencing domestic abuse

Watch our You Tube video featuring domestic abuse survivor Jemma