"My partner would phone me three to four times a day and wouldn’t outright ask me where I was or who I was with, but he was always in contact with me."

I was with my ex-partner for nine years and we have two children together. At the time I didn’t notice any red flags but looking back now, I can pinpoint them.

My partner would phone me three to four times a day and wouldn’t outright ask me where I was or who I was with, but he was always in contact with me.

I wasn’t a victim of physical abuse, but the emotional/mental abuse was always there. I learnt quickly that it was easier to keep things to myself rather than raise any issues and have to deal with an argument, or his usual tactic of giving me the silent treatment. The silent treatment was his regular response when I would visit a relative  after work. I would drive home and sit outside the house in the car, not wanting to go inside because I knew the atmosphere would be terrible and he wouldn’t speak to me because I didn’t come straight home from work. If he did have to speak to me, he would give me one-word answers and I would eventually give up. I would suggest that he plays on the PlayStation when I got home because I knew it would keep him happy, and I felt like I was on eggshells, always thinking of ways to get him talking or to make him happy.

Everything was my fault; I was always the one in the wrong and he didn’t take accountability for anything. Everything in life seemed to be about him – I would encourage him to better himself (whether that be in work or in his personal life) and he could never do the same for me.

I was constantly wondering what he was thinking. He never once complimented me – he told me he loved me once in nine years.

After we separated, social services wanted us to attend counselling sessions, and he refused to go unless it was couples counselling. I ended up attending my sessions, and he refused to attend his. He told my mum I had had multiple affairs during our relationship (I hadn’t) and I found out he kept screenshots of my “last seen” time on WhatsApp because he was questioning why I was using the app when I woke up at 5am for work.

I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells, and I wouldn’t raise any issues challenge him as I didn’t want him to give me the silent treatment.

I contacted a local support service in 2022, around three years after we separated as we were having issues with child contact

Now I feel happy. I feel strong and thanks to the support I’ve received, I feel confident. I’m enjoying my life with my children, and I haven’t looked back.